Dating and romance between lesbians can get complicated, especially when couples have been together for a long time. The spark dies out and what remains is a dull, almost lifeless union. Relationships take commitment and intentionality. Couples have to decide to work as a team for it to work, despite the many challenges they may face.
There needs to be respect, intimacy, compassion, honesty, and other fundamental values for it to blossom. Also, therapy plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy lesbian relationships. A qualified third person can provide unbiased and vital insights that can save your love.
Join us as we divulge some of the best relationship tips for a more fruitful connection with your lover.
The Most Common Lesbian Relationship Problems
Below are some of the common mistakes you might find lesbians making in their relationships:
When You Lose That Spark
Ever heard of the phrase “The less I know the better”? You’re better off not knowing something than being aware of its existence. The same applies to lesbian relationships and lesbian marriages. Every relationship has its honeymoon phase where the excitement is fresh, and you’re in a sort of pleasure-induced haze. Unfortunately, this phase is usually short-lived, lasting the first few months. Once you spend more time together and establish a deeper connection, the relationship tends to lose its appeal.
You find yourselves talking lesser and lesser, and the intimacy starts to fade away. The idea is to ease your way into a relationship gently. Take your time, let things flow at their own pace. Pace yourself. Don’t go all in at once; spread out the information over an extended period. This way, you don’t bombard the other person with too much information and cause the intrigue to fizzle out.
When Your Girlfriend Becomes Your Best friend
Your girlfriend is your partner, not your best friend. Unlike in straight couples, where friendship is almost impossible to cultivate between partners, in lesbian relationships, it’s the exact opposite. Most men aren’t capable of strong connections resulting in friendships due to their decreased emotional capacity.
Friendship is more common and relatively easy to nurture among women. Spending time together and doing shared activities fosters a strong connection between lovers. The downside to this is the loss of “spark” or defining quality of your relationship. It’s a complex phenomenon that requires one to tread carefully lest they upset the dynamic of their relationship.
Lesbian Bed Death
It’s a common problem among lesbians in long-term relationships. The term was coined by Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist, after team research on the prevalence of the phenomenon among lesbians and lesbian couples. They discovered that lesbian couples have less sex compared to other couples. It can happen for various reasons, ranging from menopause to fluctuating hormonal activity leading to decreased libido.
Other factors include the stress of child-rearing, illness, and anxiety. Couples can still find a solution – it’s not a death sentence in your relationship. They will have to work overtime to ensure the flames of love and desire don’t go out. Couples may start to spend more time apart, and some even push for more alone time. Physical intimacy such as hand-holding and even sex gradually fizzles out.
Couples Who U Haul
To u haul is move in with each other during the early stages of their relationship. It’s a common stereotype against lesbians, implying they start living together soon after the second date and is often used to make fun of such situations. U-hauling often leads to dissatisfaction in the relationship and a decline in physical intimacy.
Women release oxytocin at higher rates than men; now imagine two women living together. Oxytocin, also called the love hormone, can cause them to rush relationships only to die a natural death in the end.
Realizing Your Partner Isn’t The One
She may have all the right qualities, a beautiful face, or she might be a great person. Unfortunately, she still could be the wrong match. Yes, she may sound like the perfect girlfriend, but if you aren’t compatible, neither of you will be in it for the long haul.
Constant Criticism
Sometimes we don’t realize we’re criticizing our partners. Most women do it unconsciously. We may think we’re trying to help but end up doing more harm than good. It’s like pouring battery acid all over your relationship.
Common Causes Of Conflict In Lesbian Relationships
Unmet Expectations
Expectations rank among the most common issues among lesbian couples, specifically unrealistic or unfulfilled ones. They are detrimental because they create gaps where feelings such as resentment and frustration permeate into your relationship. Many women struggle to communicate their needs and wants and fail to articulate them to their partners. They’ll unconsciously lash out at their significant others over the issues.
To maintain a healthy long-term relationship, individuals must learn to communicate whenever they feel their needs aren’t being met. Remember, your partner can’t read your mind. So if you want something, you have to let them know what you need. Find a middle ground and settle into it. This way, both parties meet each other halfway, and one person doesn’t end up doing all the heavy lifting.
Finances
Money is a sensitive topic across all relationships; even straight couples struggle to see eye to eye on money matters. They have the power to unsettle even the most stable of relationships. Such problems usually come up when one partner fails to disclose vital financial details such as debts. Others include major recurring payments such as child support or alimony.
Similarly, a lack of restraint when it comes to spending can put a significant strain on your relationship. A lack of transparency and cohesion on financial matters creates room for resentment, especially where one partner feels left out. To prevent this, ensure you have the money talk in the initial stages of your relationship.
Please resist the urge to keep any secrets regarding your finances; it might come back to bite you in the future. Conversations about money can be pretty uncomfortable. Nevertheless, they are an integral factor in your relationship and usually get easier with time and practice.
Competitiveness
A healthy lesbian relationship requires both of you need to present a united front at all times. Think of yourselves as one unit with plenty of support. Conversely, competitive relationships eliminate any room for partnership. It’s every woman for herself -your partner becomes your rival. You’re always trying to one-up one another.
Seeing your girlfriend fail gives you a feeling of relief and joy. Such a relationship isn’t sustainable—competitiveness results in resentment and hostility. You feel envious of your partner whenever something good happens to them. It also creates room for emotional abuse, whereby you’re constantly berating and belittling your partner.
Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples
Set Aside Some Time Alone
Both of you may lead hectic lives, trying to balance childcare and demanding careers. Nevertheless, both of you need to set aside some quality time each week to connect. It can be a romantic date night or watching tv together.
Rein In Your Emotions
Dating a woman means you might argue a little more than heterosexual couples. Recognize that you are two different individuals with different world views. Be honest and open with each other, and don’t let your egos get in the way. Try to rise above triggering situations that may end up in a screaming match.
Resolve Your Arguments Fairly
Being right or wrong doesn’t really matter in a relationship. Sometimes a simple “I’m sorry” makes all the difference. Dating requires a high level of tolerance and understanding to work through and resolve issues amicably. Before you start that argument, ask yourself, is it worth it?
Solutions For A Healthy Relationship
Honesty
Honesty is vital for your lesbian relationship to flourish. Be genuine, not only with your intentions but with your words. Say how you genuinely feel, but in a compassionate way, so you don’t offend your significant other.
Leave No Room For Jealousy
Low self-esteem can cause jealousy leading to trust issues. It can also stem from insecurities that we project onto the other person. You might have the perfect woman by your side, but the green-eyed monster, also known as jealousy, can jeopardize that.
Sex and Physical Intimacy
Some deal breakers in a relationship include sex and physical intimacy. Sex facilitates the release of oxytocin which increases affection and closeness among lovers.
Tips For A Healthy Lesbian Relationship
Here are some quick tips for a happier lesbian relationship:
Communicate
It’s the best relationship advice you can get. Communication is a vital component in every happy relationship. You should be free to tell your partner about your feelings. Emotions are meant to help us understand ourselves and ultimately others better. This allows the two of you to be the most authentic and sincere selves.
Cultivate More Positive Interactions
Negative interactions can take a toll on your relationship. Make a point to create more positive than negative ones – whether it’s by giving compliments or expressing affection through hugging or kissing.
Maintain Your Social Life
There’s always that lesbian urge to merge into one individual. Please don’t fall for it! Have your own time alone, hobbies, and social life. Dating doesn’t have to be stifling; you’re allowed to have your identity outside the relationship.
Final Words
We hope our relationship advice was helpful as you deal with your relationship matters. Take it to step by step and remember that lesbian relationships differ from heterosexual relationships. Therefore, you have to deal with them differently. On a related note, many lesbians seek counseling because there are similarities in treatment approaches to straight couples counseling.