How to Save My Lesbian Marriage | Tips for Overcoming Issues & Rekindling Intimacy

Do other couples remind you of what your relationship used to be? Does the pain sear through your heart once you realize the happy times are long gone? You may have lost sight of why you got married in the first place.

You come to realize that you never thought you could possibly feel this way about your relationship. Luckily, you can still save your marriage. You’ll have to make sacrifices, and sometimes it might seem like a pipe dream. But with teamwork and cooperation, it can happen.

This article is dedicated to helping you revive and sustain your relationship and keep both you and the one you love happy.

How to Save Your Lesbian Relationship/Marriage

Listen to Your Partner More

As lesbians, there’s always that motherly aspect especially considering you’re both women. You can use these instincts to connect with your partner. Listen more to them, be attentive and empathetic to their needs. Please encourage them to be more honest and open about their feelings. Talk to each other like best friends would.


For a relationship to work, there has to be accountability. Couples tend to focus on what the other individual did wrong and forget they have their own shortcomings. Rather than going to complain to your friends, discuss your issues with your lover first. Be honest and considerate with your words.

Give Each Other Space

You’re bound to get angry with the other individual once in a while. Sometimes it might not even be their fault. Give each other space to feel these emotions. Communicate with them and let them know what your needs are at the moment.

Has Spending Time With Your Wife Become Tense and Anything but Pleasant?  

Do you dread the long gaps filled with silence whenever you’re both in the same room? When did you stop enjoying one-on-one time? Do you prefer alone time instead of catching up with your lover?

Can you count on one hand how many times you spend talking to your partner? Well, sometimes it happens. Sometimes couples go through a rough patch, and things go downhill fast. It’s easy to lose sight of your relationship after months or years together. 

Luckily, you won’t always have to feel this way! Professional lesbian counseling can help you reconnect with your lover and restore your relationship. Both parties need to be on the same page and willing to cooperate if they want to progress.

A professional couples therapist will help you work out any issues you may need to address directly, especially the bigger things you may ignore or hesitate to bring up. The two of you need to be completely vulnerable for it to work.

Yes, vulnerability might be the hardest thing in the world.

However, it’s a very effective way of getting to the root cause, and eventually, the door starts to open, allowing deeper communication.

NB: Please remember to find a suitable therapist who not only understands your needs but has the experience and knowledge of how to handle relationship challenges in lesbian relationships. Lesbian couples have their own problems that only lesbian couple therapy with an experienced professional can help work through.

two women sitting together in front of the laptop

A Look at Why Lesbian Relationships Fail

Every couple goes through relationship problems, and a same-sex relationship is no different. They go through the same things as heterosexual couples, too, although not always. Studies indicate that lesbian relationships are more likely to fail than others.

Lack of Social Support

A lack of social support can present challenges to a lesbian relationship. Stigma and discrimination are common against lesbians, gay men, and members of the LGBTQ+ community (see LGBT counseling). Some get shunned by friends, family members, and sometimes the world at large.

They end up feeling alone and deserted. Isolation by society and severed family relationships consequently lead to the development of mental health disorders.

Lesbian Bed Death

It’s a relatively common phenomenon where lesbian couples are quick to move in with each other by the second date. It’s also known as u hauling, a derogatory term used to describe the rate at which lesbians are quick to commit.

Unfortunately, most relationships unravel within a short period causing a decline in intimacy. Most long-term lesbian relationships find themselves in such situations. They have less and less sex or sometimes even none at all.

two women sleeping next to each other

Tips on How to Rekindle Intimacy in Same-Sex Relationships

Here are a few pieces of advice and relationship pointers on how to get the flames of desire back into your lesbian relationship.

Be Gentle

Gentleness and compassion is always the best approach. You don’t want to work your partner up or get them angry. The worst thing to do is to start the conversation by pointing fingers. Calmly and politely approach your partner and ask to talk to them.

Women can be quick to throw accusations. Don’t be aggressive or harsh, as it can cause your significant other to shut themselves off from you emotionally. Putting yourself out there can be difficult. But its capacity to salvage your relationship far outweighs all the unsettling feelings and emotions associated with the process.

Share Your Perspective

Start things by discussing your understanding of the issue at hand. You never know; they might feel the same way as you. They might have no idea about your issues. A therapist can help guide you through this. Use “I” statements instead of “You.”

By using the first-person view in the conversation, you avoid assigning blame or attacking the other individual. Try to remain calm. Focus on how you’re feeling.

If at any point you feel like emotions are running high, take a few minutes to breathe, then come back to the discussion when you’re more in control.

two women having fun together

Do More Activities Together

A great way to rekindle the lost romance in a relationship is to spend more time together. Shared activities or hobbies help you feel closer and more connected to your partner. Can you remember things you used to do together or for each other?

When was the last time you sat together? Did you use to spend time talking after a long day? Did you stop rubbing her back every night before bed? Try to do them more, gradually bring back some of the familiar routines you once had in the relationship. Take long walks together. 

It’s the little things that make such a huge difference. Alternatively, you can look for lesbian couples to hang out with and do fun group activities together. They might have great relationship advice for you.

Compliments Work Wonders!

Tell your partner how special they are to you. Be genuine and sincere with your words. Shower them with love and affection. Compliment them whenever you can.

A simple comment can work wonders for your relationship. “Your new hairstyle looks lovely on you.” “That color really brings out your eyes.” Don’t hesitate to praise and shower your lover with adoration.

two happy women lying together in the bed

Relationship Advice for Lesbian Couples

Lesbian relationships need commitment, respect, and effort just as much as the other couple.

Try New Things

A great way to stabilize a struggling lesbian or gay marriage is to experiment. Not just in the bedroom. Try out new hobbies such as painting, kayaking, archery, pottery making, and even gardening. Find new activities that you both enjoy and would love to share in.

Flirt with your partner, buy them flowers or chocolates. Lesbians will tell you that they’d like more “alone time” with their S/O’s. The only problem is that many women don’t want to initiate. Lingerie might do the trick too.

Be bold and adventurous when it comes to the bedroom. Spice up your sex lives; maybe all you need is a bit of excitement. Don’t be shy. Talk to your partner about introducing toys in the bedroom.

Be More Independent

Set aside some time for yourself. The most important thing in any relationship is the maintenance of independence and a sense of identity. It’s easy to lose yourself when all your energy is directed to one thing. Spend some time alone where you can recharge. Allow yourself the space to be alone.

Don’t Expect To Have Your Needs Met All The Time

Expecting the other person to meet you halfway all the time can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment in a relationship. This is the same among lesbian couples. You tend to expect the other individual to meet your needs first.

two women drinking coffee in a coffee shop

Unfortunately, you can’t always get your way. Relationships require us to be generous and sometimes sacrifice our needs for the other person.

Learn to Let Go

You’ll come to learn the importance of forgiveness in a marriage. For a lesbian or gay relationship to flourish, and any other one at that, there needs to be compassion. Everyone makes mistakes, and your S/O is no different. Learn to let go of past hurts.

Avoid rubbing salt on old wounds by rehashing past arguments. It takes practice and great effort to choose to see past their flaws and instead focus on the positives.

two woman sitting upside down on the sofa


If you’re reading this, then it means you’re committed to saving your marriage. These tips and expert marital advice will help you communicate better and be more open with your spouse. It will take a lot of patience and effort, but it will be worth it in the end.

Good Luck!

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