Am I a lesbian? One prominent lesson in recent decades is that sexuality isn’t binary; there’s a wide spectrum of sexual orientation. Sexual identity is slow pace self-discovery journey that can be confusing, especially in a society that stigmatizes lesbian relationships, and being a lesbian isn’t defined by dressing, talking, or walking; rather, it’s self-identification. Most lesbian love stories start at a very early age, while for others, it’s a confusing journey with mixed feelings and failed dating experiences.
- You are drawn to other women sexually
- You enjoy watching lesbian porn
- Having trouble defining your sexuality
- Your issues with labels related to sexuality
- You subconsciously know it
Am I a lesbian? How to Know if You’re a Lesbian
If this question has been in your head, you’re probably gay or bisexual. Sexual inclinations are fluid, and they evolve. You may be a woman purely attracted to guys all your life, and suddenly, women give you butterflies. Do a self-reflection to point out these characteristics that are prominent among lesbians;
- Sexually attracted to other girls
- You’ve had girl crushes since childhood
- Enjoy watching girl porn
- Many female friends
- Physically intimate with the same sex, and you enjoyed
- You struggle with labels
- Defining own sexuality is a struggle
- You are not sexually interested in guys
- Deep down, you know it
- People often question your sexuality
- You often fantasize about women
What if I’m Unsure Whether or not I Identify as a Lesbian?
The social construct defines our sexual orientation based on gender identity, a boy or girl, at birth. As we age and get exposed to different cultures, some perspectives, like sexuality, shift. You start questioning your sexuality, especially if your interests are inclined toward other women. It’s OK to be in that limbo; it’s a self-discovery journey. Here are a few things to do to set things straight—literally.
Learn The Lesbian Dictionary
When you venture into unfamiliar territories, the first step is to educate yourself on the basics of that field. Knowing the lingo associated with the LGBTQ+ community, like femme, butch, and stud, will diversify your spectrum and minimize the confusion. Furthermore, there’s no particular way to be a lesbian, so dive deep into the terms and definitions to see what resonates with you. In addition to the terms, get familiar with lesbian sex, and get informative materials like the Lesbian Sex book by Felice Newman to have a starting point and help you navigate bedroom affairs.
Find Lesbian or Bisexual Friends
Hang out with the LGBTQ+ community, attend Pride events and learn about the experiences of other lesbians. Surrounding yourself with people aware of their sexual identity will give you a better understanding of your sexuality. Find podcasts, audiobooks, or online platforms that exclusively talk about LGBTQ+ in case socializing is a constraint for you.
Remember That Labels Are Overrated
We all want to fit in and be part of something big, but it’s not always the case, especially with sexuality in the pictures. You don’t have to conform to straight, queer, or other labels. Feel free to explore your sexual fluidity, make room for mistakes and discover yourself on the way.
Hookups and Dates
One time I was confused about my sexuality, and the only way was to hook up with a girl—I got answers. Sometimes the only way to get clarity is to dive into the uncertainty and explore with a lesbian. You have the answer if you enjoy sexual experiences with girls more than with boys. Be upfront and clear about what you want to get from the hookup.
Try a Queer-Inclusive Therapist
Sexuality has been stigmatized for decades, and you want a safe space while in doubt of your sexuality. A safe space sounds like lesbian counseling that affirms inclusivity. An informed therapist will give you room and materials to aid your sexual identification rather than try to enforce or disregard a particular belief in you. Effective lesbian therapy will make you feel good about yourself, upscaling your self-esteem around sexuality.
If I Like to Explore, Does That Mean I Am a Lesbian?
If you’ve had a girl crush and like to explore, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lesbian or bisexual, but it doesn’t rule out the possibility. Societal norms restrain individuals from compulsory heterosexuality, which most people question with exposure to different experiences. People explore for different reasons, which include:
Uneasiness with Boys
You may be uncomfortable with boys or your predisposed sexuality and want to find out what aligns with your sexual energy.
Discomfort with sex doesn’t always mean you’re lesbian; it could be incompatibility issues or a bad sexual experience that implanted a negative sexual connotation in your mind.
Discomfort with Your Body or Identity
Society perceives women to look in certain ways. If you fall short on the expectation spectrum, the need to explore may be high, which doesn’t make you a lesbian. Similarly, you may be experiencing a human sexuality crisis where you are curious to explore women—which counters the natural law of attraction among genders.
How Do You Tell If A Female is Attracted to Another Female?
Women’s friendships and romantic lesbian relationships have blurred lines, but if you read between the lines, the signs are always there. If a woman likes another woman, it’s in how she handles, speaks, and looks at her. Let’s expound on the three main indicators of attraction;
As it’s said, the eyes have it. If a woman is attracted to you, her gaze will constantly be your way and deeper into your eyes. If she makes excuses to be close, subtle touches, or spend more time with you, it’s a sign of physical attraction.
Best friend female friendships cultivate safe spaces and intimate connections, which can easily be misread for a romantic lesbian attraction. However, if she remembers every detail about you and often commemorates your special days with gifts, she might be interested in more than just friends.
The How She Talks
A woman who likes another woman will strive to communicate often and throw in phrases like “I like you” in a casual way to indicate her interest. She might be open about her sexual gratification, demonstrating more about how she wants you. If she treats you to gifts and excess attention, she might be interested in being more than just a friend.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Can a Straight Girl be Attracted to Another Girl?
Yes, a straight girl can be attracted to another girl—it’s a common phenomenon nowadays. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that 74% of the straight females interviewed admitted to being sexually drawn to both sexes. Although this is the case, most still identify as straight instead of bisexual or lesbian—which is a personal choice.
What is The Difference Between Being Bisexual and Lesbian?
A lesbian is a non-binary individual sexually attracted to fellow women. On the contrary, a bisexual person is romantically attracted to more than one gender. Both fall under the LGBT+ community facing similar stereotypes and challenges. Non-binary people, on the other hand, struggle to fit between being bisexual and lesbian.
Is There a Test to Help Me Know My Sexuality?
There are several online quizzical tests aimed to help you tick some lesbian boxes. However, experts insist you don’t have to contain yourself in a box. Although there are many tests, the identification has to come from a true inner self.